The Code? Respect It?

Ever heard of the code? The one which states that you don’t and never date someone your friend or sibling has dated before?

Are you familiar with the situation where you and your friend’s ex start getting attracted to each other but cannot act on those feelings, at least not officially, because of a code? If you are not, have you seen anyone who has been in such situation before? Might have acted on it or not, but has been in it all the same.

If yes, then we are good. If No, did you just imagine the possibility? Exactly! So we are all on the same page now.

I don’t know who came up with this code but it’s one I grew up hearing and seeing people act out. I might have even acted it out before if I recall right. Or maybe not. Taking giant strides into the past isn’t what I want to do now, to be honest.

Forgive my manners. Can we exchange pleasantries already?

How are you babies? Colour me relieved, I am glad to spend my Friday night with you again. I am always happy when i can talk with you. I hope you are with me?

How hot is it where you stay? Do you feel like you are in pre-hell and have resorted to less clothes like me? I am here thinking harmattan but the sun is not having any of it. The sun is sure winning this battle of weather supremacy in Nigeria, especially the state I live in.

Back to our topic. I had a guest once who had to stay the night. We got talking and he mentioned something about his brother’s now significant other being someone he dated before. He said that they met in school, found solace in each other and decided to make themselves exclusive to the world. Being someone from a closed knit family of five (3 boys and parents), his family was always interested in girls that the boys were interested in. Apparently, the girl was always welcome to the family house, and everybody treated her right and like a family member. Somehow, they had a big fight which ultimately broke them and showed them in clear terms that they were really not suited for each other.

Somehow still, she started dating his elder brother. According to him, he never suspected any of this since she stopped coming to the house awhile and he couldn’t tell from a distance . Nobody talked about her absence because they all knew why they broke up in the first place, and knew that it would take thunderbolts from saints in heaven to get them together again.

Long story cut short, he found that his ex was dating his brother. He said he felt so betrayed and pissed and didn’t speak to either of them for days. He soon came to realize that even though he made some memories with her, she was better suited for his brother, and they looked happier than he had seen either of them in a while.

He told me how awkward it was for him and his ex especially when she was in the house to see his brother and the entire family. I honestly can understand how awkward it must have been.

Karma plays life tricks, yea? Sure. The girl is married with a child to the brother now. LOL.

Yea, what a touching story.

My two cents on this one? First off, I have a Psychology degree, one I got from the school of common sense. Second off, I have never liked any of my friends’ or sibling’s lovers enough to want to be with them that way. More like, I cancel them off my list of ‘potentials’ unconsciously, I never find them attractive in that sense.

Third off, I’m not sure what I’ll do if I am saddled with such; you know, being attracted to someone as much as they are with you and not being able to do anything about it because your friend or sibling has been with them – what if you are supposed to be with them but fate played its twisted game with everybody? What if you are not supposed to be with them? If there is a fallout, I do not want to be within a thousand miles of that fallout. You know these things could be classic honey traps with a lethal sting?

Anyway, I advise that if you find yourself in such a situation, it’s always best to ask your friend or sibling if they are okay with you seeing their ex in the way they saw them. Majority would say NO which may put you between a rock and a hard place, but it’s okay to know that if they want you happy, they will allow you be with someone who makes you happy no matter how uncomfortable it would be for them, code or no code.

Truth be told, it is easier said than done. It’s easier to say that if they like you as they say and act, they would allow you be with anyone you want to be even if they have once been with them.

I have a picture in my head: My best friend telling me she is in love with my ex(especially one I made special memories with) and asking my permission to date them or marry them. The picture doesn’t look good. It might be easier if we are just Hi-Hello friends, to be honest.

I know me for myself, and even though he is my ex and I am no more hung up on him, I’d still always think they’d been attracted to each other all the while while I played the middle person role unknowingly (as a best friend, she gets to hear about our blowouts and then advise me on how to go about it because she probably knows him better?). Nah, the picture definitely doesn’t look good. I’d be so pained for a while but still suck it up. This isn’t even the Bieber-Selena-Weekend-Yovanna kind of thing here, so don’t compare. I am talking serious here.

These unspoken and undocumented code if broken has a way of straining friendships and the siblinghood.

Yes, I just said siblinghood with so much confidence in my chest, so don’t stare at me like I’m doing cartwheels and not getting recognition for the effort.

Over to you as usual, what do you think? Ever been in such situation before?

#single #dating #love