THE EARLY YEARS

After all the sparks and glamour that attends a marriage ceremony, the next most important part of the union is conception and child/children bearing – at least as far as our perceived African expectation cum culture. For us in Africa, marriage is more about conception and child bearing than the couples relationship and welfare. In fact, it is not out of place to posit that the success of a marriage is predicated upon the woman’s ability to conceive and bear children. If this key ingredient is lacking in any marriage, the woman is more often than not sure to get some serious backlash from her in-laws and even friends. It is strongly believed in most cultures in Africa that children are the essence of marriage, the very reason a man and woman should come together. Expressions like ‘I want to carry my grandchildren before I die’ are common in our society. And if for any reason whatsoever, the woman fail to bear children at the early stage of the marriage, then she may found herself on a collision course with her in laws. She could be termed barren, called names and possibly be driven into depression. But if the woman is favoured to conceive and bear children at the early stage of the marriage, she is showered with gift, love, affection. She finds herself being courted by the mother in law and the husband’s family. And if the first child be male, then she would experience ‘joy unspeakable full of glory’. However, the major focus here is not about conception and child bearing, it is rather bringing up the child in a way that he will not just depart from but also that which seem right, a way that will bring out the very best in him, make him succeed above his peers set him on the right path in life. A child’s success in life depends mainly on the upbringing he was exposed to, that is, the ways and methods the parents employed in his growing up years. Many factors come to play here. But we will focus only on the spoken word today. The bible says in Matthew 15:11 that ‘it is not what goes into a man’s mouth that defiles him but what comes out of it’. In essence, the words we speak are powerful; it carries the power of life and death. Imagine as a parent that the life and death of your child is in your tongue, that is, with one word you can condemn your child and pronounce a death sentence on him and in the same vein, you can also pronounce prosperity and eternal life on him. It is advised that parents don’t wait until a child is born before they start prophesying into his life. Start speaking into the life of your child from the womb. Tell him what you want him to become, how he will be set apart from his peers, the fame and glory he will bring forth as against the shame and destruction. At this stage, he is a living creature with ears and he hears you. For the nine months period, regularly speak positive words into the life of your unborn child. When the child is born, speaking positively into his life becomes a part of you. You no longer struggle to achieve this and anger and wrath towards your child will be far from you. The first few years of a child’s life are also critical. What the child learns in those early years tends to shape him more than the later years. He grows and learns faster this period than in any other period of his life. It is therefore very important that parents pay close attention to the materials and the characters their children are exposed to while growing up, noting that the child’s first and closest relationship at this time is the parent. The child learns more by what he sees, touches, hears and tastes. Therefore, ensure that your child hears what you think is best for him. Avoid exposing him to negative and abusive words, influence, neighbours and friends. It is also important that you lay hands on your child everyday and as many times as possible and speak words into his life, quoting blessings from the scriptures into his life. The words you speak as a parent has a faster effect in the life of your child than that spoken by strangers because of the blood relationship between you. Therefore, the power of success and failure is really in the tongue of the parents. Choose wisely.

@urbanemperors